How Do You Move?

im a kid and im staring at my hands. i move my finger. and an overwhelming question overtakes me.

"how did i do that?"

i pay very close attention to myself, and move my finger again. i can do so with excellent control. i can move it however i want. but i have no idea how.

so i move more. maybe if i do more movement it'll be more obvious. but my moves are still deliberate, precise - because now i find myself thinking deeply about every step. i get no closer to an answer, but i do grow closer to an appreciation of motor function.

it's not enough to simply think about moving. a lot of movement happens without thinking. hell, a lot of bodily functions happen without thinking - do you consciously process the food in your stomach? there's a reason why it's a meme to say "You are now breathing manually" - you were breathing automatically before - but once you're conscious it's hard to not notice. But how did you not notice it until it was pointed out?

move your finger. how did you move it? your answer's likely something to the tune of "i just did" - or something with more of a background in biology - but try to actually find the cause. you won't find it - but you may instead find a stronger appreciation for your ability to move. play with it - look at your hands, and move them around - slowly. do small movements. ball your hands, and release them. interlock them - feel the fingers touch each other - feel your movement more clearly.

i remember losing myself in this state, just enjoying and reflecting on how i could just do this thing which requires an immense amount of complexity, that is being abstracted from me - because all I am doing is just... moving. I don't do something which makes me move, I simply move.

im not entirely sure why i was so enamored with this idea - and honestly i kinda still am finding myself here now, talking about it after i was reminded of it while watching this video about ego death. thinking about it, the best guess i have is that it feels like i was a consciousness that was shoved into a human body, and is getting used to moving it. you never really need to get used to movement, it's automatically granted and happens from when you're a kid. but something about this process kinda just... temporarily undoes that. you're still used to it, but you're going through the actual process itself now - you're simulating it. similar to when you know something but don't know how deep it goes, and the doubts cause you to work your way back to get a deeper understanding. except here there's not much understanding -- but just a fascinating little feeling.

maybe it's just me but. think about the way you move. stay still, and begin slowly - consciously focusing on every movement, and then slowly but surely add to your movement - retaining that focus. there's something there that just... feels fun. this was the feeling common across everytime that i did this - some sense of joy and wonderment at the fact that I can seemingly do any kind of complicated movement just by... willing it.

it's interesting at least.