Dying Inward, Dying Outward

Have you looked inward? Have you tried to learn yourself?

I saw this video - and while it didn't do much for me, I think it has some pretty helpful pointers. I'm not entirely sure if you need total boredom - however our fear of boredom should be judged and challenged more carefully.

With time, I've grown very weary with the world. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines misanthropy as a "hatred or distrust of humankind" - and truthfully it can be easy to hold this position. This is not new - but recently it has gotten more intense, and at the core of the matter I do believe that this is because we've grown scared of pausing and looking inward.

Let me be more concrete; never before has the collective humanity been so aware of all the horrors that we are capable of. The internet has made it so that we are all remembering just how evil humanity can be. As an incomprehensibly large network of information, the sheer overload is too much - and so algorithms have come along to help us filter the torrent into pieces we can reflect on. The crucial problem is the algorithm itself. An algorithm needs a purpose, and in order to fulfill that purpose, it needs a focus. Media has existed for a long time, and so has the golden algorithm - a combination of the lowest common denominator, and a catalyst. This catalyst is generically meant to represent human engagement - but in truth it so frequently devolves, when combined with the first factor, into ragebait. Anger is a simple emotion, and a powerful driver. It is easy to provoke, and easy to act on. It is uniquely suited to serve as catalyst.

This piece is not about the internet, or social media, or algorithms - and how they've ruined everything - not least of which because I do not believe that the first two are inherently harmful. The Internet provides a massive network through which all of humanity can interconnect. Social Media provides forums within which people can talk, share information, and strengthen their networks. Algorithms are also not inherently harmful, however this is tricky - because the most common kind of algorithm is. This is true of the other two, but it is the most common here - not only because it subsumes people into itself, forcing them to bend their will to fit its shape so they may benefit from the animalistic tendency of desiring fame and recognition. This is the part I'd like to focus on.

The trifecta's biggest harm to humanity has been the way in which it has compressed, distilled, and reduced all of humanity into the animalistic tendencies that lead us to stay trapped within it. Because it has become, over time, a defining looking glass upon all of humanity, and the will of the algorithm has bent that vision into something simple, and disillusioned. Humanity is nothing more but a group of attention hungry fiends who have no true beliefs, no true desires - that can survive being cast into the fire in order to attain more power, more attention, more trinkets.

No wonder misanthropy thrives.

This is why I asked you. Have you looked inward? With the information overload, combined with a focus on survival and trying to build a good life - looking inward becomes a suggestion moreso than a goal. Not to mention that introspection has been corrupted in itself as well - with courses and guides and whatever. We are all different, and though guidance is useful, each of our paths through introspection is deeply unique and personalised. In truth, introspection is easy. We already do an external version of it - all of us have thought about the drives of a person, what their inner thoughts are. Simply direct that inward.

You likely have been thinking while reading this piece. Do you remember all of those thoughts? Have you thought about the things that popped into your mind? Have you questioned why they did? The process needs curiosity - and though we are all curious, when it comes to ourselves we love shutting down that curiosity. Don't. Be curious about yourself. Why do you think the things you do? Why do you trust the things you do? Why do you care about the things you do? Why are you who you are? Who are you?

Do not do any of this in pursuit of invalidation. This process isn't to judge yourself - and if you find yourself judging, that in itself is something to question. What is causing you to judge what you've discovered? What foundation is that judgment built upon? How do you feel about that judgement? Why do you judge these parts of yourself?

This can be hard - not least of which because catching your thoughts is a skill that must be trained. Thoughts will slip by, because we have so many and it's hard to pay close attention to all of them. But the more you do it, the more you'll subconsciously know to catch certain thoughts. Like muscle memory, thoughts will pass, and important enough thoughts will be automatically caught for introspection - maybe right then and there, or later on.

There are reasons why I'm doing this. Introspection isn't just some thing you do and become better - it is maintenance. You are monitoring your internal harmony, and validating to make sure that it makes sense, that its foundations aren't toxic or artificial, that you truly believe in them because at their root lies something that you know to trust. And if the future shows that you cannot trust that part, then you'll have the skills to reckon with the realisation. How it makes you feel. Why it makes you feel. Why you feel an urge to discard that which makes you uncomfortable, despite you - in your heart of hearts - knowing it to be true.

It doesn't need to be instant. This is a process, and like I said, this is a skill. Don't push yourself too hard - if it feels too uncomfortable, then pause. Try again later. Do not start with the goal of uprooting whatever rotten roots are causing all ailments on your human condition. Start with a smaller goal - a curiosity. Take the golden, primordial question: Who am I? - and begin working towards answering it. You'll never be able to - not completely - but you'll keep getting closer. And as you ask yourself this question more, and as you keep track of more of your actions and thoughts and emotions, and as time passes, you'll grow a pretty wonderful understanding of yourself.

I assert that everyone is beautiful - they simply need the introspection to recognise their own beauty - and in so doing, realise it. This assertion fights misanthropy entirely - which feels like a pretty significant assertion to make -- but if you introspect and understand yourself for long enough, you'll also grow to recognise the animalistic part. The urges. The desire for popularity, for power, for respect, for love, for a rich life, for a strong legacy - you'll see all these parts, not just in yourself, but in Humanity - and in so doing you will learn to see the beauty that Humanity can give, and you'll learn to not trust the algorithms and the picture of Humanity that they paint.

You'll learn that, when you see a person, they have an internal storm of desires and urges and thoughts all fighting each other, and that is what leads to their actions. A deeply complex state machine, that doesn't question its own parts, but simply executes. This machine can never improve itself unless it understands enough of itself, and acts to further itself. You are not just the machine, but you are also the assumptions and foundations and all the parts that make up its existence, its meaning, its concept.

I do not maintain that this theory is perfect. Horrible people exist, and I have no doubt you reading this can list off 10 names by this point. However I do hold that introspection is an act you owe to yourself - one you should do, if not regularly, then every so often. Enough that you have a good grip over who you truly are. We can't learn to hope in the world, if we can't even begin to hope in ourselves. And we cannot even begin to understand the world, if we have not even tried to understand ourselves.

So, ask yourself.

Who are you?